For Bianca,
I thought that you post pulled me in a lot. I liked how you talked about the differences you sister had about cremation to you mother. The lines that stood out to were "cremation doesn’t need to be looked at negatively because “to some people, the body is materialistic while the soul is the essence of the body…Any way of disposing of the dead can be considered a human intervention if someone looks at the way to care for the dead in a way that does not manifest love.” I never thought cremation was considered negativity until i heard you mother's perpective of being as one/whole. I never really thought of it like that. The fact that you mention you didn't want to relive the past but being able to gain insight on the caring of the dead was pretty cool. I feel the same way, you never want to relive the past of deceased people. Overall i thought you post was written well. There weren't any mistakes that i found. Keep it Bianca. I really enjoy reading your post and im not just saying that. :)
For Abdul,
I enjoyed reading your post. One of your questions that i found interesting was "Is it more socially acceptable to have a funeral burial or be cremated, and is that an alternative to the dominant social practices?" I was thinking the same way also how do people in other countries deal with the care of the dead. One of the lines that stood out to me was when you said "My Uncle from my mom's side had just had us go to his house about a month or two before his death so we could help him "clean up" because lots of times when we are young we aren't always told the exact true about death because of our age and how we do not percieve it as children. Just like you i was taught to respect the dead. It's funny how you mention that because if we didn't it's kind of like we have consequences of doing so. I thought that all you questions were well thought out and i hope to find the answers to them as well. Good Job!
Leah
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Leah,
I wish I could express more empathy with this post but, I have not had as many care of the dead experiences as you have had. Nonetheless, I admire your courage to describe how you felt while looking at your grandfather's dead body in line 9 of paragraph 1, "Looking at him in the coffin was so unnatural just by the fact it wasn't 'him'. When I visited him in the hospital and saw his body there, it was completely different seeing him all dressed up." I would've have liked your writing much more if you had defined what unnatural was and gave your reasoning for putting the word him in quotation marks. Why was the dead body no longer the the person you once you knew? This is an important question to ask because it puts the reader in perspective on terms of the definitions you establish, which will make your thoughts more concise.
In light of other aspects of your posts, I like the fact that you bring up several interesting questions. However, instead of listing one after another, spend some time focusing on one specific question so your thoughts are more insights than bubbles.
One thing that I must stress is Proofreading. Proofreading will do wonders to writing. Little grammatical errors will do no justice to your writing so, please watch out for those small errors (i.e. basic punctuation, spelling mistakes, and incorrect noun usage) - Clarify who you are talking about in each sentence, "then"is vague when a group of people is not mentioned before the "then." Also, work on your transitions so your writing is more coherent.
Nice work. I hope that you take my feedback to heart and I'll be glad to read your future posts.
Bianca
Leah,
Your most beautiful line was, " Looking at him in the coffin was so unnatural just by the fact it wasn't "him." I know exactly how you feel due to personal experience, I know the undertakes and funeral home people try and do their best to make the dead look as 'alive' as possible, but frankly they just don't get the job done. The lipstick, no movements, the way the skin feels is all so fake. Your post brought up several interesting points and questions which I enjoyed.
As far as improvement goes you definitely should consider proofreading more. It really can make a difference. You should try doing you blog assignments in a word document since their spell check is much better and they catch more things than blogger does.
I will be reading you blogs a lot so I will know if you didn't take my advice seriously. Good job and take advantage of the feedback.
Abdul
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